I am hopelessly superstitious.
Anything remotely related to spirits or auras make me nervous, and psychics or fortune tellers make my heart race. I’ve never dared to be on any bad terms with any sort of energy, so I usually stay away from occultism altogether. Again, my hesitance is out of fear, not disbelief.
My roommate and dear friend started studying tarot and oracle cards this summer, so no matter how lazy my efforts were, they didn’t work. Crystals, sage, and oracle cards fill our shared room, and she assures me everything is safe and untainted; I had nothing to fear, but the thought of disrespecting these energies still scare me. Even if my roommate’s interest in these arts is a coincidence, it still felt like something, somewhere, was trying to tell me something. I was just terrified to listen.
She asked me if I wanted a reading, and I was honest. I was scared, but intrigued. She assured me absolutely nothing bad or evil was going to happen, as she was going to do a Goddess card reading. Harmless. She even sage-ed the room for extra security.
I think part of my fear comes from facing the reality of self-reflection. It’s easy to ignore the problems we face in our minds, but when these forces lay out where we should improve right in front of us, it is harder to ignore. Spiritual or not, everyone can gain something from taking a second to listen to advice and guidance that is meant to heal, not harm. Part of my fear also stems from a lack of knowledge in the area. Were the cards just going to mysteriously find a way to tell me my biggest fears? “Yes, Mehrnaz, all your friends do secretly hate you. Yes, Mehrnaz, your nose is too big. Everyone is lying to you!!”. Ignoring the truth is easier than facing it.
Still scared, we started my reading. After following the preliminary steps, it was time for me to choose my cards. I felt lightheaded and my heart was pounding. Honestly, I almost cried. If I haven’t made it clear, I am terrified of facing my problems– how charming! My roommate laid out the cards I had chosen.
My first Goddess card read Cordelia. Under her name, two simple words: Go Outside.
Now, don’t get me wrong– I love a good joke. But Cordelia really just did me dirty. Do I stay in my room as much as humanly possible? Yes. Are their days, weekends even, I don’t leave my apartment? Yes. Do I feel so much better when I actually leave the house? Yes. But do I want to hear that? No! Both my roommate and I gasped when we saw the card, because we both knew Cordelia was spitting the hard truth. I really am morphing into a hermit, but I didn’t think it was something the all great, powerful Goddesses would notice. All I will say is my faith in the power of oracles are only stronger, and they are not afraid to be brutally, almost humorously honest. My fears melted away and I realized not to take the reading so seriously. Maybe Cordelia knew she would make me laugh and lessen my nerves, or maybe it was a coincidence. Either way, I’m currently writing this in a coffee shop rather than curled up in my bed. I suppose that’s some sort of progress.