This past year, I had the privilege to be the president of my school’s fashion club. While the name makes me cringe every time, joining this club in tenth grade was one of my best high school decisions. I met unexpected people, learned to lead a functioning group, and actually improved my sewing skills. I’m not going to lie, I made a KILLER faux fur coat in eleventh grade. Sometimes I wear it around the house. No shame. 

The teacher that supervised our little club quickly became more than just a friendly teacher. We became fast friends and she is one of the only things I will miss about high school. In the heat of receiving multiple college rejection letters in a matter of weeks, there were a few days I just couldn’t take it. Frankly, I felt less than worthless. One day, during band, something made me just stand up and go to my fashion club supervisor’s classroom. Even though she was in the middle of a lesson and over a dozen of my peers were somewhat conscious, I just started crying in her classroom. Well, more like bawling. The funny part is that I never cry in front of people. I feel overwhelmingly vulnerable and weak. But in that moment, I just let it out. The neighboring classrooms shut their doors while students pretended nothing was happening. My teacher took me outside and hugged me until I stopped heaving (about five minutes). After this minor breakdown, I simply walked back to the band room and her and I never talked about it again. 

Looking back to that day, I’m really glad it happened that way. Now I can recognize this episode was necessary for me to grow in anyway (I suppose a little less screaming would have also sold the message but it was a rough day). Those weeks were the first time in my life receiving major, potentially life changing rejection. Rejection is a fate I need to get accustomed to (especially as a writer) that no one can prepare you for. Years of just hearing “you can do anything! You’re the best!” really sets us up for failure. Rejection takes many different forms, but in my middle class suburban life, I managed to avoid it for most of my life. Winning doesn’t teach us anything. I think we have to lose a few times to know when we actually win.